I wish I could teleport
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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