so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
