you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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