This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
