omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
