Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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