We named our party play list daddy issues
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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