You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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