it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
