apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
