So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I fill condoms, not promises.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
