Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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