I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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