I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
