if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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