My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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