he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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