My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
