I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
