this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
