you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
