We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
