you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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