I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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