i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
