I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im drinking this country out of the recession.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
