I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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