I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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