my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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