on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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