her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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