I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
wow bdsm is so cute
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