it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
