Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
