did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
