We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
