Who did Billy Mays play for?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
