11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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