On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
