I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
