My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize