I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
