I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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