the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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