I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
