We won't sleep together?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
