I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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