Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
