I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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