watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
