Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
