i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
