Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sarcasm needs its own font
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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