Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I love having hate sex.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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