There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
