This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
