Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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