im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
