before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
wow bdsm is so cute
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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