she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i love accidental penises.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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